Confusing: Different Kinds of Introverts
I’m an introvert and have tried to connect with other introverts throughout my life.
Part of my relationship needs and my assets include my being particular and exclusive with who I allow in my inner circle, into whom I invest time, attention and energy. Also, I’m very content being at home.
When I have met other introverts, I assumed that they too
are emotionally & intellectually deep & mature
are big on integrity & ethics
have high standards for what & who they put their energy into & focus on
are exclusive & particular about who they are around, talk to & are interested in
are content being at home
don’t need people much—unless it’s someone who they are very close, connected & actively-involved with (i.e. a loved-one)
aren’t entertained or amused by people in general
don’t like attention or to be noticed by anyone other than their close loved-ones
open up to & are transparent & honest with loved-ones
desire to be known & understood only by their select loved-ones
have a lot of time & energy in their lives for loved-ones
highly-value, protect & find precious the true connection they share with loved-ones
Wow, have I been wrong about this. A lot of confusion, struggle, & hurt eventually led me to finally realizing that there are plenty of introverts who
are kind of shallow & superficial
are uncomfortable with having friends because they think that "performing" & putting on a show is how to deal with & to have relationships with people; as such, they don’t know how to be “on” all the time, or which character to play with each person, and don’t always have the energy to play characters
need an audience
need attention from random people
get their emotional needs met at work, with captive audiences & reality-show type environments—places where people are required to be around (so minimal effort & vulnerability is required to have “friends” or fake “family members” in these settings)
are entertained by & infatuated with many real & fake people
live vicariously through characters in sports, programs & media—sometimes even pretending they are part of the characters’ lives, families, or in relationships with them, etc.
are impressed by & brag about people who barely even know they exist, if at all—& act as if they are close, intimate loved-ones
actually have low standards for other people (character, integrity, trustworthiness doesn’t matter to them)
find everyone to be exposable & replaceable
have low standards for themselves as far as who they give themselves to (i.e. their time, attention, information, physically, etc.)
are very vague, secretive, slippery & avoidant with loved ones
have secret unhealthy habits
have unhealthy & concerning addictions
live in fantasy worlds in their heads
are concerned with fooling people into thinking they are something they are not
act like they are caring, relating, sensitive—yet are not
need to impress others—or at least to get their pity & sympathy
can actually gossip & back stab
come across as innocent because of their quietness—even though they participate in & allow poor & unethical behaviors (many are guilty by association & by not stopping it)
In other words, don’t be fooled into thinking that because you’re dealing with an introvert, you’re also dealing with an exclusive person who has been waiting someone like you, who will value you, and who will see you as precious.
Don’t assume that this is a person with standards and is very particular, and has been alone due to waiting for someone like you—that when they met you, they have felt like they’ve hit the jackpot. just like you feel with them.
Throughout my life, I’ve tried to befriend and get close to many introverts only to be disappointed, disheartened, and sometimes even heart-broken. Now I know better.
Do you need help accepting who are and your needs? Do you need help with accepting the reality of who a person is showing him/herself to be? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.