Distinctions: Homemaker, At-Home Parent or Housekeeper
I originally wrote this article on March 28, 2015.
There are some interesting societal assumptions and expectations directed towards stay-at-home parents and homemakers. I think that these assumptions and expectations play a big role in some parents deciding not to be an at-home parent, and also cause some homemakers to be ashamed about their role.
The main societal assumption and expectation is that at-home parents are also housekeepers. I know so many people who look down on themselves for not being able to care for their kids and keep a perfect home at the same time. They think that since they aren’t making money then they should handle anything and everything to do with home and children.
One of my mama friends used to hear my stressed-out cries regarding my trying to take care of young kids plus trying to manage the home at the same time. She told me, “I tell my husband all the time, ‘I’m a mom. Not the maid.‘” I admired her for holding that belief with confidence; but it took me several years to believe that for myself.
Homemakers are also talked down to about not doing their ‘fair share’, not contributing, by making money or doing enough housekeeping tasks.
A dear couple I know, close to retirement age, is well past their child-rearing days. For several years, he worked full-time while she stayed home as a homemaker. She isn’t much into cooking or cleaning; but that didn’t bother him one bit. In fact, he was blissful knowing his best friend was there for him when he wasn’t working. He willingly ran errands, cooked and cleaned. His focus was their relationship and his appreciation of having her in his life. This is true love. This is relationship. What an inspiration.
There are many homes which would be much more enjoyable if their occupants would take on these beliefs:
Making money is not the only way to be a contribution to people’s lives.
Cleaning, cooking and errands aren’t everyone’s forte or interest. Sometimes doing the bare minimum in these areas is quite enough.
Doing ones fair share is doing whatever the person can handle without losing their sense of well-being; and it is up to each person to determine this for themselves.
For the well-being of those of us who are invested in home-life and child-rearing, we really need to start separating out the duties for the three-distinct roles of homemaker, at-home parent, and housekeeper. Here are my definitions of each–keep in mind each of these roles is immensely, individually valuable:
Homemaker: A homemaker is a person who is a presence in the home. Since this person is at home more than they are at a paid job location, their decor taste and living style is usually most represented in the home. Their presence sets the tone for all those who live with them.
At-Home Parent: The focus and the energy spent as an at-home parent are about relationships with their children: closeness, affection, intuition, and being attuned. Along with this role is caring for the health and well-being of their children and themselves.
Housekeeper: A housekeeper does the cleaning, cooking, shopping, driving, and errand-running. Also included in the duties can be budgeting and book-keeping.
How will these new distinctions and definitions reshape your life and the lives around you?
Warmly,