Ideas for Supporting a Single Parent
I originally wrote this article on June 28, 2014.
This post expands on my post called How to Date a Single Parent.
You could be one of the parent’s biggest allies if you made life smoother and not-so-alone. Your care and efforts could make you even closer emotionally; and you could grow and learn more about yourself.
Here are some suggestions for ways to support a single parent and to foster your relationship. Ask the parent if any of these ideas sound good to them and if they have more to add:
Make things easy. Don’t be indecisive and wishy-washy—that only makes things unnecessarily more difficult.
Be known. Don’t waste the parent’s energy and time by hiding, being secretive, vague, and mysterious. Say what you think and feel. Be direct. Be up-front with your needs in the relationship. If you don’t know (about <insert any topic here>), you can start a dialog about not knowing. Don’t expect the parent to think for you or read your mind.
Show up in their life. Don’t be passive about this! At minimum, have some form of daily contact with each other. Creatively figure out ways to be part of their day-to-day life.
Be spontaneous when you can. Having more things to schedule in advance might not be appealing to the parent; and they can’t predict what their energy level and mood might be in the future. Plus, you never know when the parent might be able to eek out some free time to be with you–jump at these chances whenever you can.
Be inclusive. Some parents don’t have their kids on holidays, and end up spending holidays alone; the same goes for other random times the kids might be elsewhere. Invite them to your family gatherings, holiday events, happy hours, and other social functions.
Don’t give up: keep inviting them/offering until they tell you to stop inviting them/offering (or until you aren’t interested anymore, of course).
Listen. Even if you don’t understand what they are going through, surely you can tap into times where you were stretched beyond what you thought you could do. Get to that place and then empathize. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about them.
Be affectionate without an agenda. Remember that being a parent usually entails children being literally on top of, or holding onto, the parent. Be mature about affection, not grabby or groping. Be respectful and attentive.
Don’t give parenting advice unless they ask for it. Instead, ask questions so you can better understand why they do what they do.
Come up with ideas for dates to choose from so they get relief from decision-making all the time.
If you can easily-afford it, pitch in to cover the cost of the dates. If you can’t easily-afford it, go dutch; and research free and inexpensive date ideas. If you want to go dutch, let the parent know this in advance.
Don’t say things like, ‘I’ll pay for this round. You can get it next time.’ The parent doesn’t need one more thing to keep track of or budget for. Either cover it or go dutch.
Also, if you can easily-afford it, pitch in to cover babysitting costs during your dates.
Take the parent out on dates which suits their current mood. Do they want a wild or a peaceful date? Do they need an escape from being so responsible, or to just chill out, unwind and recharge?
If you are invited into their home, don’t be one more person they have to ‘tend to.’ Make yourself at-home. Get what you need (a glass, beverage, snack, toilet paper from the closet); and let them know what you’re taking. Clean up after yourself. Replenish what you use up.
Show them new places, hobbies, and concepts. When parenting young kids, it’s sometimes difficult to find the time and energy to explore new places and activities which aren’t centered around the kids.
Do the driving if you enjoy driving and if they like to be the passenger so they can get a break from being ‘taxi-driving parent’.
If you enjoy doing any of these things for others (voluntarily or at a discount), all could be really helpful: cooking, cleaning, running errands, fix-it projects, car or tech equipment repair, trouble-shooting, researching, coaching, organizing, budgeting, time-management, decluttering, offering interior design or feng shui ideas.
Pick up and drop off, on their doorstep, a few needed items for their family which the parent just can’t seem to shop for because of caring for the kids (are they out of milk or toilet paper?). Of course, they can pay you for the items.
Check out my other Single Parent articles:
Warmly,