Leaving (Rejecting) Because You’re Rejected

I originally wrote this article on May 18, 2014.

I’ve touched on dealing with rejection already.

I want to take the discussion further and discuss another form of rejection that can really mess with one’s mind.

Have you been in a relationship with someone who would stay with you for forever, who would never actually end things with you; yet, within the context of the relationship, you consistently feel rejected?

There are valuable attributes to the relationship, which is why you’ve stayed; but the attributes don’t cancel out the pain of being rejected no matter how hard you try to ignore the pain or to distract yourself.

Since they won’t leave, you need to decide if you are going to trump their rejection with the rejection of leaving.  Double rejection.

Wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier if they said, ‘Listen, you feel rejected because I really don’t want to be with you.  I just don’t have the guts to say it, to face it’?

Since they won’t, you wonder if you have a mental problem which has created the sense of rejection.  You wonder what therapy you need, what pill you can pop, to get over whatever the hell your problem is.  But really, the only problem is that you’re sticking with someone who rejects you.

It’s like being in a toilet-bowl-spinning-water-around-and-around.  It takes a lot of gumption to bust out of the toilet bowl.  It’s a risk to get out because you don’t know what’s waiting for you outside of the toilet…maybe nothing.

Nothing can be scary.  Nothing also means you need to start over from scratch–which is both good and sucky.  Familiarity can be a numbing comfort.

However, starting over is an opportunity to create something new, empowering and a match for who you are today.

In my own experiences with this type of situation, I just didn’t want to accept that a person I wanted and shared my life with could stay with me, but still reject me.  It’s such a disempowering feeling.  It made me want to yell (and I did say things along these lines), ‘Hey!  Look at me! Don’t you understand how cool I am?  Don’t you know it should be an honor that I care about you and invest my energy in you?  Do you know how picky I am about who I invest my time in?’

Cue the cricket noises.  The empty echoes.  Nothing.  No quality feed-back.  No hashing through any of it together.  Blank stares.  Shrugs.  Hopelessness.

Walking away meant I was admitting that I wasn’t wanted.  Shot.  Sad but true.

Come up with an empowering mantra to use while you process the relationship you want to leave.  ‘I am safe’ might be a good one.   Or ‘I don’t know what’s next; but I know I will be there and that’s enough.’

Read this article to deal with the time you’re still in the relationship.

The only way out is through.  I’m giving you a virtual hug.

Warmly,