Stand Strong with Your Emotional Needs
At the root of all of my relationship struggles was my doubting what I need in, and have to offer, relationships—whether it was a relative, family member, partner, friend, or acquaintance.
During my upbringing, I was continuously told I was wrong for what I felt or for any concern I dared to express. I was told something was wrong with me. This sort of sentiment continued into adulthood, and into other relationships.
My coping mechanisms were either shutting down or coming on too strong with, over-explaining and justifying, what I believed, wanted, or felt—which always led to my shutting down eventually.
Being shut down and coming on too strong are both caused by self-doubt; lack of trust in self, life, and God; and frustration of interacting with people who don’t relate and don’t believe nor want the same things.
The solution is the honor and respect our emotional needs:
to create trust in ourselves, life and God by recognizing that these needs are valid, valuable and a beautiful reflection of who we are
to see these needs as reminders to respect and care for ourselves
to experience our emotional needs being met by
providing healthy, respectful forms of these needs to ourselves (to include the things on this list)
meeting these same needs for those with whom we feel safe and secure
to keep our dignity by protecting and holding these needs near-and-dear and close to our hearts
to use discernment and to stop looking for those who do not respect and relate to our emotional needs to
have the same needs
understand us
care about our needs
validate our needs
meet our emotional needs
When we honor and respect our own emotional needs, we don’t need to justify, over-explain, or attempt to convince others. If we are inclined to need to do this, then we are barking up the wrong tree. Take your personal power back.
Do not be in denial about barking up the wrong tree.
Barking up the wrong tree makes us leave ourselves and cause our own torment. Do not do it.
The sooner we accept this, the better chance we have to keep our dignity and self-respect.
We can keep our dignity and self-respect around those who cannot relate to us by our staying calm and having a peaceful surety about who we are.
When we deal with those people, we can
practice being present and listening
listen for bits of wisdom which we find useful
not be concerned about the other person relating to us at all
practice boundaries: saying “No,” walking away when necessary for your self-respect and peace
These people do not need to know much about us, other than for necessary practical and functional information—due to a shared household, shared dependents, shared job sites, shared public spaces and organizations, etc.
Your emotional needs are to be cherished, respected and validated. Do this for yourself so you aren’t barking up the wrong trees anymore. Do this to be empowered in your own life.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.