Coming Out of a Coma: Choosing Your People

When my youngest sibling, Luke, suddenly was in the hospital in a coma, he hadn’t done preparation work for determining who would speak and make decisions on his behalf.

Every state has different laws pertaining to the hierarchy of who gets to represent a patient in the case of the patient not deciding on a representative prior to an accident. In our state, it goes in this order: partner, guardian, parents.

In Luke’s situation, the hospital staff first looked to parents and siblings. But then later (thankfully, after my dad, sister and I fought against Luke dying, and he was allowed to live), the hospital staff chose to look only to who Luke had chosen as his “emergency contact” on his doctor appointment paperwork from the past. This person got to decide on who would be involved with Luke and who got to speak to hospital staff for the rest of his hospital stay (unfortunately, the person decided to have me cut off from Luke and staff for the last one-and-a-half weeks in the hospital!).

This was a complete surprise to me. I thought about the people who I listed as my emergency contact; I chose them based on knowing they’d give me a last-minute ride if need-be, or they would contact my other relatives on my behalf.

I had no idea that the emergency contact would have the authority to make medical decisions on my behalf—and especially the authority to decide if I should live or die.

Because of this experience, my advice is to make a living will or a health care directive—which a written document that informs others of your wishes about your health care. It allows you to name a person ("agent") to decide for you if you are unable to decide. It also allows you to name an agent if you want someone else to decide for you.

Make sure your emergency contacts and health care agents are people who know you well and who you trust to make life decisions for you.

Warmly,