Confusing: Adults Who Are Kids in Adults’ Bodies

In the movie Big with Tom Hanks, the main character is a 12-year-old boy who ends up in an adult body (Tom Hanks). During the entire movie, I had to continuously remind myself that Tom Hanks’ character was actually 12-years-old.

This is what it feels like to deal with emotionally-immature, emotionally-detached, emotionally-dysregulated adults. You have to consciously and continuously remind yourself that, though this person looks like an adult, you are actually dealing with a 12-year-old—or sometimes an even younger—child.

If that isn’t enough, because this person has lived longer than a child and likely has had adult experiences and has had access to adult choices, you need to remind yourself that, while immature, this person isn’t an innocent child either. Since his/her time on earth has not been spend on self-awareness, maturing, healing, and deep connection, you must wonder exactly what kind of choices and thoughts have been occupying his/her focus, attention, time and energy.

Therefore, you are also potentially dealing with someone who

• is quite sneaky

• has many secrets

• collects data, on and secrets from, other people—which is easy for this person to do if others see him/her as harmless and innocent

  • to hoard to him/herself for self-pleasuring and entertainment

  • to mimic, mirror and to otherwise manipulate and fool others

  • to share with others to get attention

  • to use as a weapon if needed

Be careful what you expose to and share with such a person.

It’s very likely he/she sees you as, in addition to entertainment and data collecting material, a sort of companion dog or, at best, an unconditionally-loving parent who is always there for him/her.

Seek out any perks that you can find while dealing with such a person, such as

• using use the time with them to learn how to be a little more light-hearted with yourself

• resting your mind

• doing simple activities which you otherwise wouldn’t make the time to do

• doing mental tasks such as contemplation or mapping out your plans and tasks for the week, etc.

Read my blog post called Dealing with Emotionally-Immature, -Detached, -Dysregulated Adults for more tips.

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.