Ditch That Which Bugs the Crap Out of You
I originally wrote this article on August 17, 2014.
Being agitated, yet not letting go (i.e. not walking away, shutting it down, quitting, moving on, and focusing on that which feels good) is self-imposed misery.
I’ve done this a lot:
obsessively noticing societal issues which upset me and make me doubt my power
staying in locations or situations which overwhelm my senses
going back, more than once, to Facebook pages and websites by people who I don’t like
feeling like I need to be politically-correct, ‘nice,’ or ‘enlightened’ with people who insult or correct me
keeping hopeless, irritating conversations going
responding to dumb, wastes-of-my-time texts and emails
taking calls from and talking to people to whom I don’t want to talk
reaching out to or updating people about my life with whom I share no connection
sending seemingly-applicable-to-the-person’s-interests youtube clips, articles, and photos to specific people with whom I can’t even share an enjoyable conversation and who won’t involve me in their lives
getting together with people with the hope that we will eventually feel comfortable around each other
spending my time discussing topics near-and-dear to my heart with people who think I’m nuts or a joke
expecting emotional support, empathy and helpful input from people who don’t have that to give me
trying to prove my worthiness and value to a person who thinks I suck
defending or explaining myself to people who really don’t care about me and/or don’t want to understand me
all but begging for someone I like and admire to share their thoughts, ideas and time with me
holding onto relationships which obviously aren’t working
believing I have to stay for my growth
I have seen glimpses of what being irritated, stressed out, and ignoring my desires does to my body. I know what it does to my well-being.
Relationships and situations can’t be forced. Either it works or it doesn’t. When paying attention, I see there really is no in-between. If I have to shut down part of myself or spend a great deal of energy trying to ignore things, that means it’s not working; imagine holding a beach ball underwater—how long do I want to do that? Even trouble-shooting, finding-a-middle-ground, and chit-chatting are enjoyable and easy for me with the right energetic match. With the wrong match, it sucks.
So, I practice letting go, letting go, letting go, letting go.
It’d be different, I suppose, if I had absolutely nothing else to do and hated being in my own company. Then I could justify to myself why I don’t let go of annoying situations—they would keep me company and keep me distracted.
But I love my own company, my kids’ company, my home, my hobbies, my learning and growing, my life. There’s no justification for creating and allowing annoying situations for myself.
A big part of my healing involves my realizing that I don’t have to feel like shit, or to try to turn shit into diamonds. I don’t need to stick around shitty situations for my growth. My growth comes in the letting-go, the walking-away, and in the appreciation of the people for whom I willingly and joyfully invest my life—including myself.
Don’t misinterpret letting go to mean being intimidated into silence, conforming and subservience. If you have something to say—especially because expressing it makes you feel better—say it. But if lingering on the discussion or situation takes away your peace, that’s a sign to let go and move on.
Do that which feels good and let go of the rest. You’re the only one that can do this for you.
Warmly,