Duped: You Need Me
Sensitive, empathic types can generally see pain and discomfort in others. And those of us, like this, who have worked through plenty of our own pain, have the ability to help others do the same.
If you meet someone who seems to have pain and discomfort, if they seem to be alone and have nothing really valuable going on in their life, it seems like they could really use someone like you in their life.
If the stage is set and the other person seems to enjoy your company and your communication, it can be natural to think the other person needs you.
But be careful. Are you sure that you aren’t trying to help someone who doesn’t want your help, let alone, to change anything about themselves or their lives? Are you sure that the person isn't just chasing away their boredom? Are you sure they aren’t simply flattered and taking your interest in them as an ego-boost, or even as a game? Are you sure they aren’t just avoiding responsibility?
It’s always a safe bet to assume that how a person is currently is, how they will always be. How they currently live, is how they will always live. This will help you to not dupe yourself with your rescuer tendencies.
You can let the person know you’re just a phone call or email away if they ever want your input on, or help with, something. If they contact you for input or help, just take it at face value. Take it as an exclusive, one-time request—rather than interpreting it to be more than that. Don’t stop your life in anticipation of their potential contact.
Do not put more energy, time, and concern into someone’s well-being and growth than they put into themselves. Make sure they are doing the bulk of the initiative, thinking, trouble-shooting, and reflection—don’t do the work for them. They aren’t your responsibility.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.
Check out these other articles in this ‘Duped in a Relationship’ series: