Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
The “fear of missing out,” or “FOMO,” used to be referred to as the “grass being greener on the other side of the fence.”
I’ve been on both sides of FOMO: as someone fearing missing out, and as someone in relationships with people who had FOMO.
What can trigger FOMO is the belief that right now is unsatisfactory, and that what’s “out there” has to be better than right now. It can also include the belief that we deserve much better than right now.
It’s a discontent with where we are, what we are doing, what we have, and who we are with.
FOMO can manifest in the forms of addictions (to anything on this list or to substances), boredom, envy, procrastination, impulsivity, distraction, excessive daydreaming, depression, anger, frustration, resentment, entitlement, victimhood, avoidance, hiding and secrecy, conforming and trying to fit in unnecessarily and superficially, people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, avoiding morals and principles, infatuation, limerence, roaming eyes, flirting, cheating, living a double life/compartmentalizing, blame, and projecting our negativity onto those around us.
With FOMO, we are always open to and on the look-out for something “better”—for something permanently better, or for a temporary fix that feels better in the moment. Some people’s lives are almost entirely filled with these temporary fixes, while they continue to hold onto what’s “good enough” for stability and normalcy.
What is at the root of FOMO, though, is a discontent with self. There is lack of integrity and personal responsibility. It’s a form of passivity, either as a sense of entitlement—believing that it’s not necessary to put in the work or effort; or as a sense of victimhood from working so hard and still not being satisfied with life.
While we have FOMO, we are avoiding our responsibility in making better what we have and who we are. We aren’t recognizing that what makes something "better" (or even the "best") is integrity, principles, discernment, devotion, dedication, loyalty, care and concern, appreciation, and valuing what we currently have. What makes something “better” or the “best” is consciously choosing what and who we currently have—including all the lessons to be learned and our growing and maturing in the process.
Being in a relationship with someone who has FOMO can be incredibly painful and feels like an on-going form of rejection and being abandoned. It’s much like being cheated on. And we end up having FOMO directed to the person who we are in a relationship with! I suggest that the FOMO person projects their discontent, insecurity and pain onto us, so he/she doesn’t have to feel it, via making us inadvertently experience competition with the other person’s FOMO.
“Isn’t what we have good enough for you? Don’t you value being your best? Don’t you value me? Don’t you value what we have? Why are you looking out there when I am right here, when our lives are right here? Why aren’t you focusing on being a better person, improving our relationship, and improving our life together?”
What makes things the “best” is consciously deciding what and who is the most important to ourselves and our lives. (Read my article titled Make the Most Important the Most Important for more details.) Instead of using time, energy, thoughts on looking “out there,” we use our time, energy, and thoughts on appreciating and improving what we already have and who we already are.
This isn’t to say we can’t use outside information to inspire us. But let it inspire us to be better people with and for ourselves and for our most-important people, things and experiences.
This isn’t to say that what is most-important to us right now will never change. But making life changes while still having FOMO doesn’t allow us to make healthy choices and changes anyway; we don’t want the FOMO person steering our lives! Quitting FOMO and tending to our most important right now helps us to use wisdom and intuition, rather than dysfunction, in making our choices and in taking action. Once we start living that way, we find much satisfaction with ourselves, and in what and who we currently have. And we learn to authentically love and care for ourselves.
For those who are in a relationship with someone who has FOMO, read my article titled Maintaining Challenging Relationships.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.