Jealousy

I think envy and jealousy are two different matters.

Envy

a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

When I think of the term jealousy, I think about relationships. Jealousy is caused by being troubled about the attention, interest, efforts, investment, focus, etc. a loved one applies elsewhere, outside of the relationship, instead of applying it to the relationship or personal self-growth efforts.

How many times has someone ridiculed you about being jealous? Or even called you controlling for the same reasons?

To me, jealousy is a guidepost showing that something is wrong in the relationship. Either the two people aren’t a good match because they don’t want and value the same things, or there is a miscommunication and misunderstanding.

Essentially, jealousy is a concern about unfaithfulness or rivalry in what should be an emotionally-safe, trusting relationship.

Your person, the right person for you,

• will not make you feel jealous

• will not make you feel like you're competing for his/her attention, interest and focus

• will use how you genuinely feel as guideposts for how to be a better person of character and integrity

  • including knowing what is appropriate and what is inappropriate while being in a relationship

    • what is inappropriate according to one of the people is inappropriate for both and for the relationship

  • as such, will be motivated to make changes to be and do better—not to appease or to quiet you, but to be a better and trustworthy person

And the same goes for you, with your person. If either of you are unwilling to do use the other person’s jealousy as a guidepost and motivation to be a better person of character and integrity, then it could be time to move on.

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.