Protection and Loyalty
I originally wrote this article on September 26, 2014.
It wasn’t until well into parenthood that I recognized what I value in relationships. Prior to that, I tried like crazy to ignore my needs in relationships and made my focus ‘fitting in’ and ‘being liked’–which, for me, meant trying to conform to what my loved ones needed from me.
Finally, after forty years of futile attempts, I gave up the insanity. Thankfully.
At the very foundation of my parenting is protection of, and loyalty to, my children. I protect my children with my life. I am and will remain loyal to them for as long as I live.
My protection and loyalty entails my ensuring they have all the wisdom and knowledge they will need as adults so they can, in turn, protect and be loyal to themselves.
Recognizing what is at the root of what I give my children made me see that I want the same thing from any relationship I am in, platonic or otherwise: protection and loyalty.
Our families and our selves are all we have in this life. Those who don’t have family or don’t have closeness with family sometimes have loving, dedicated friends who are just like family.
It’s important to have allies in life. We don’t trust that the federal government is out for our best interests. Even some relatives and so-called-friends turn against their own.
I don’t believe that we must keep disloyal or non-protective relationships just because they are blood-relatives, or due to the length of the relationship or a shared history, or things were once good but are no longer, or due to proximity or convenience.
The relationships worth holding onto are the ones with people who protect you, who are loyal to you, who have your back, who believe in you, who hold you dearly in their hearts, who are honest with you and with themselves.
If you don’t feel protected by, and feel loyalty from, the people in your life, my opinion is it’s better to go about life alone until you find this type of relationship. Using energy to protect yourself from people close to you is a tremendous waste of energy and hurts your well-being.
Warmly,