Socializing: In-Our-Faces
I originally wrote this article on August 31, 2014.
Being a highly-sensitive person, I find it extreme the frequency of having to adapt to new people, places, and situations just in every-day life. It takes a great amount of energy for me to attempt to tune out the stimulation and surroundings in order to maintain a sense of peace.
There have been people in my life who do not understand personal space whatsoever, and who were extremely intrusive, loud, and otherwise insensitive. I encounter this in my general-public job as well.
Am I an oddball? Well, of course; but not because of being sensitive to this. Check out this quote from the book called The Continuum Concept which describes how one culture adapted to new people and a new setting—even with their own people who were away for a while:
“The Yequana [an indigenous South American tribe] taught me far more refined ways of dealing with people than the ones I had known in civilization. Their way of greeting visitors struck me as particularly sound.
“I saw it first when I arrived in a Yequana village with two Yequana travelers from a distant village. I was not then expected to know how to behave, so an old fellow who had been among Venezuelans in his youth and knew some Spanish came and greeted me with the customary Venezuelan pat on the shoulder and after some conversation showed me where to put my hammock.
“But my two companions received very different treatment. They seated themselves not far away under the great round roof without a word to or from anyone, and they did not look at, or speak to, one another. The residents came and went at various distances in the course of their normal business, but none gave so much as a glance to the visitors. For about an hour and a half the two men sat motionless and silent; then a woman came quietly and placed some food on the ground before them and walked away. The men did not reach immediately for the food but after a moment ate some in silence. Then the bowls were taken quietly away and more time elapsed.
“Eventually, a man approached in a leisurely way and stood leaning against one of the roof poles behind the visitors. After several moments he spoke, very softly, a few syllables. Easily two minutes passed before the elder visitor answered, also briefly. Again the silence closed over them. When they spoke again it was as though each utterance was referred back to the reigning silence out of which it had come. The personal peace and dignity of each man suffered no imposition. As the exchange became more lively, others came, stood awhile, then joined in. They all seemed to have a sense of the serenity of each man, which had to be preserved. No one interrupted anyone else; emotional pressure was absent from any voice. Every man remained balanced on his own center.
“It was not long before laughter blossomed among the talk, bringing the dozen or so men into rising and falling waves of unison between their speeches.
“At sunset the women served a meal to the assembled men, by now everyone in the village. News was exchanged and there was a great deal of laughter. Both residents and visitors were perfectly assimilated in the atmosphere without having had recourse to falseness or nervousness. The silences had not been a sign of the breakdown of communication but a time for each man to be at peace with himself and to be assured that others were the same.
“When the men of the village went on long trips to trade with other Indians, they were received, on their return, with the same procedure by their families and clansmen: left to sit in silence long enough to recapture the feel of village life, then casually approached without pressure or demonstrations of emotion.”
- The Continuum Concept, by Jean Liedloff, Pages 141-143
Can you imagine how lovely this gradual adaption would feel? There would be little reason for cortisone stress hormones to soar. Authenticity and inner peace would be fostered.
Reading The Continuum Concept helped me appreciate my sensitivities and to see that how I am is perfectly natural. It helped me begin to trust my instincts and intuition. I do my best to honor and respect others’ space and integrity in my own home, with my children, and out in the world; and I’m understanding with myself when dealing with life amongst strangers and in public places.
Be gentle with yourself and your own needs—even when no one else understands.
Warmly,