See Betrayal as Practical Jokes
Betrayal in relationships can come in many forms:
lying
stealing
cheating (flirting, daydreaming & fantasizing, affairs)
secrecy
manipulation
sneakiness
withholding
back-stabbing, gossiping, slandering
bullying
blackmailing
denial, willful blindness, avoiding responsibility
For emotionally-healthy people, the first sign of betrayal is a red flag. But for many various reasons, we sometimes dupe ourselves:
thinking the person will change
Maybe it’s not as bad as we think.
We try to change ourselves so as to not be affected.
We try to prevent the betrayal from happening again.
not wanting to accept that we would choose such a relationship
not wanting to believe the other person chooses to betray us rather than to value, protect and respect us and the relationship
When experiencing betrayal in a relationship, it can feel torturous. Depending on how close we are to such people, and how frequently we are around them, it can be very challenging to deal with their behavior. It’s a helpless feeling: there’s nothing you can do to stop the betrayal. It’s the feeling of being mocked and made a fool out of.
Sometimes having nothing to do with the betrayer still can feel torturous until we heal from being betrayed.
When living or working with someone who betrays, it feels like practical jokes are being played on you without your agreeing to such an arrangement. You just want to go about your day, functioning as best you can. But because of the betrayal, you always have to watch your back. Be careful when sitting down, there could be a tack in your chair. Look over food packages, there could be a fake or real bug inside. When crawling into bed, the sheets could be shorted. Around any corner could be the joker waiting to spook you. Any number of pranks could be played on you at any time of day. Thus, you always need to be on guard—which takes away a lot of energy from what you care about, and certainly isn’t good for your health.
You might likely spend a lot of time being paranoid and on the look-out for what the betrayer is scheming to do next.
Change your perspective. Instead of seeing yourself as being betrayed, look at it, instead, as being practically-joked. It’s easier to remove ourselves from the equation thinking of it this way. An uninvited practical joker obviously has problems; you didn’t turn them into a practical joker, it’s all their choice. A person who does unwelcome practical jokes won’t care who their victim is, so it’s not personal.
The practical jokes fall flat when you don’t respond and react to them. Now that you know who you’re dealing with, a practical joker (betrayer), you don’t need to spend one more moment of your time worrying about what stunt the joker has up their sleeves.
Stop the dance. Don’t play the role of the receiver of the joke. You want no part in practical jokes and betrayal, so do not participate in the practical-joke planning (betrayal) by thinking about and watching for it.
Detach yourself from such absurd behaviors. Let the joker look like the fool while you keep your dignity and self-respect. Focus on what you love and let the betrayal and practical jokes nonsense dissipate from your life.