Long-Distance Relationships

I originally wrote this article on February 28, 2016.

There are relationships which are physically-distant from one-another.  And there are relationships where two people don’t live that far from one another, but they might as well be living across the country from one another: they just don’t care to be too involved with the other person, and/or chose to be vague or secretive rather than deeply share themselves, and so forth. Regardless, I see both scenarios as ‘long-distance’ relationships.  Even affairs are like long-distance relationships.

Author Sandra Reihus, in her book titled Oh, no! He’s Just Like My Father, says the about long-distance relationships:

“A distant relationship comprises two people who like the idea of being in a relationship but don’t need or want the day-to-day complications of it. Each lives in another city, state, or country and only seeing each other occasionally works out fine.  They may talk every day and share the details of their lives, but they don’t have to worry about taking turns with the housework or what they are going to do with a free Sunday.  If a bad mood strikes one of them, they simply end the phone call early and don’t have to confront how they take their mood out on the other.

“Every time they get together it’s vacation time, and all is well with the world. It’s like having the honeymoon part of a relationship over and over.  This couple doesn’t need to sort out their differences and personal relationship issues. They each get to have their own personal life and experiences, and basically do as they wish.  If it works for both of them and they don’t want to change, they could stay like this for the long haul.

“Some people, though, have a distant relationship and then decide to live together. That’s usually when the trouble starts, because they haven’t dealt with the details.  Seeing each other every weekend or once a month is quite different than living with someone every day, week after week.

Frank and Terri:  Living the Honeymoon Life

“Living on opposites sides of the country seemed to work for Frank and Terri.  They would take turns flying out to see each other once a month and talk on the phone and exchange e-mails on a consistent basis.  When vacation time rolled around, they would pick a spot they both loved and meet there. For the most part, these meetings were filled with laughter and great sex.  Of course, they both experienced life’s ups and downs, but they tried to keep the negative moods to a minimum because it was such a treat to spend time together in person.

“They talked about one moving to live with the other, but they knew that would require more adjustments than they were willing to make.  Terri had become a vegetarian and stayed up late, working and reading.  She was a night person.  Frank was the opposite and needed his early bedtime and total silence. She liked to attend parties and openings, and he relished staying home with his cat, to which she was allergic.  They couldn’t make it together, but apart they were great friends, and that’s really all they both wanted—to have someone to say, ‘Hi’ to and talk about what went on that day, then to have the rest of their time to do as they pleased.”

- Sandra Reihus
Oh, no! He’s Just Like My Father, pages 101-102

Are there any relationships that you hold on to which feel like a long-distance relationship?  Have you asked yourself what the payoffs are for doing that?  Does it protect you from someone getting to know you on a deeper level? Does it minimize your responsibilities? Does it feel safe?

I’d love to hear from you.

Warmly,