The Stealing of Sharing
Being known makes relationships simpler, and allows for more energy and time to creatively collaborate and to help one another. Being unknown by those around us feels like being in a country with a language foreign to your own: communication and understanding are extremely labored and minimized.
Those who understand and desire the joy-of-being-known tend to assume that those in whom they invest, and with whom they spend time, believe the same, and also want to be known.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
Some people (‘takers’) will use others’ (‘sharers’) sharing of thoughts, feelings, opinions, experiences, preferences, ideas, and actions (‘data’) for any of the following purposes:
to steal others’ data & claim it as their own
to use the data to research in order to learn more about the sharers for any of these other purposes
to use the data to formulate lies
lies which the taker knows will work with the sharers
which will allow the taker to get what they want in various ways—including
avoiding responsibility & accountability
getting access to people, things & more data
to use the data against the sharer
in arguments & debates
as bribery & threats
to gossip about the sharer
to defame the sharer
to use & be entertained by the data behind the sharer’s back
to create something apart from the sharer
dispensing of, not needing interaction with, the sharer
depriving the sharer of
getting return involvement, collaboration & experiences with the taker
bonding & trust-building that potentially could have occurred
to use the data to create imaginary relationships with, or fantasies about, the sharers
to imagine being with, or part of, the sharers
to live vicariously through the sharers
to create composite characters, combining data from various sharer sources
to use the data in order to know which mask to wear with each sharer
to manipulate how the sharers see the taker
to create façade identities
to create ‘pick up lines’ to impress & entice others
to fool the sharers
Sharers think they’ve met their match or another like-minded person.
Sharers think the taker is a good listener, a safe outlet, etc.
All of which results in supplying more data to be stolen by the taker.
This sort of stealing-of-sharing feels, in a sense, like having your identity stolen. This sort of ‘theft’ also happens when takers eavesdrop on or watch others.
Here are ways to minimize stealing-of-sharing & stealing of your observable identity:
Pay attention to who you are inclined to share with.
How much & what are those people sharing with you?
What are they putting on the table & exposing about themselves?
What new ideas, trouble-shooting, etc. do they have to offer?
Do they seem to tell the same, limited data about themselves over-and-over?
- This can give the illusion of sharing a lot about themselves.
Do they rarely site sources for, give credit to, or explain, what led them to their ideas, opinions, interests & thoughts?
- Does the taker deal with you as if other sharers don’t exist?
Example: The taker tells you what they learned about/from sharers, but the taker leaves out of the story that there were other sharers & their data involved. The taker also leaves out of the story what the taker revealed to the sharers. The taker gives you the illusion that the taker isn’t involved with, or privy to, other sharers & their data.
- Does the taker deal with others as if you don’t exist?
Example: The taker tells others what they learned about/from you, or what they did with you; but leaves you completely out of the story. The taker gives the other sharers the illusion that the taker isn’t involved with you, & that the taker came up with ideas & experiences alone.
Do they seem to repeat or regurgitate what they hear & read from you, others, & media, etc.?
Do they frequently come up with ideas, opinions, interests, thoughts, behaviors, & mannerisms which seem out-of-the-blue, out-of-context & out-of-character?
Do they contradict their own stories & data?
Are they forgetful about what they’ve done & said?
How pushy are those people?
What is the taker willing to do in order to have access to & gather data on others?
Do they always seem to have access to viewing, listening to & observing others—both known & unknown people?
Do they make themselves easily-accessible, online & in real life, to others?
- Simply by having their bodies &/or faces accessible for viewing.
- Simply by having their technology devices on-hand & online statuses showing availability.
Do they linger around others?
Are they willing to be near, or stay on the phone/instant message, with others as long as others want to?
Do they let others ramble on without ever cutting them off?
Do they tend to always agree with, or not contradict, what others say?
Do they usually say ‘yes’ to most people, do they find most offers irresistible—anywhere from receiving & giving attention, to doing special favors—regardless of how it affects others?
Do they join in with others, or not put a stop to, gossiping & complaining?
Do they join in with others, or not put a stop to, playful & flirting interactions?
Don’t be duped into thinking a quiet, agreeable, easy-going, and/or accommodating person is a good listener and/or trustworthy.
Remember: you don’t have to answer questions or offer up any more data than is necessary for the task-at-hand to people who aren’t in your inner circle.
Pay attention to who is able to eavesdrop on & watch you.
Don’t automatically-assume that what you say & do will be kept private & safe when you’re amongst others.
Have firm boundaries if you need to be around & interact with takers.
Trust your gut & intuition.
Don’t dismiss it when something doesn’t sit right with you.
Your integrity, feelings, & needs matter.
You’re responsible for managing yourself & for making choices appropriate to your own well-being.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.