Living Double Lives or as Co-business Owners

There are two general ways to have a relationship—with varying degrees of each of the specifics:

First way of having a relationship: Each person in this relationship lives a double life. Compartmentalizing.

• ‘Life One’ is with each other:

  • Know each other well enough to interact & function together.

  • Share with each other only what each person feels like sharing.

  • Learn about each other strictly by what takes place during time together & by whatever sharing happens to take place during interactions.

  • Have involvement with each other mostly just when physically together.

  • Perhaps spend time together with mutual friends & relatives.

  • Perhaps have reliable schedules & routines for predictable times & interactions together.

• ‘Life Two’ is without & away from the other person:

  • This includes admiration of, interest in, involvement & interactions with, acquaintances, neighbors, friends, co-workers, relatives, & anyone else who isn’t involved & present in Life One.

  • This includes involvement with (online & real-life) clubs, communities, organizations, businesses, hang-out locations, networks, social media, memberships, apps, & other technologies.

  • This includes mental & physical health, emotional & mental maturity levels, awareness & consciousness, morals & moral compass, ethics, spirituality, beliefs, values, responsibilities, motivation & drive, focus abilities, boundaries, spending & finances, advocacy, ideas, goals, thoughts, pleasures, wishes, dreams, desires, passions, emotions, needs, interests, preferences, opinions, experiences, history, memories, learning, growth, mistakes, struggles, insecurities, anxieties, habits, pastimes, distractions, entertainment, collections, hobbies, idiosyncrasies, jokes, humor, gossiping, secrets, compulsive & impulsive behaviors, addictions, internet/cell phone & TV usage, obsessions, fantasies, fetishes, etc.

    • Information which the other person in the relationship is not privy to and/or is unaware of what is shared with others.

  • Potentially have a ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’ approach pertaining to Lives One & Two, and not mixing the two lives.

  • Potentially keeping the other person virtually unknown to others in Life Two.

Second way of having a relationship: The relationship is like being co-owners of a shared small business.

• Both people

  • are reliable, trustworthy, honest & loyal to the business/relationship & each other.

  • hold themselves to high standards & are personally-responsible & accountable.

  • consider the business/relationship as a large & important investment:

    • can’t think of anything more important, fulfilling & enjoyable to do in life than this.

  • consider the business/relationship to be a way-of-life & as a round-the-clock mission—even during times when not around each other.

    • consider & respect the business/relationship in any & all personal choices & decisions.

  • are eager, passionate & sincere about the business/relationship.

  • are extremely grateful for finally having such an opportunity with another devoted, dedicated & sincere person.

  • are driven & devoted to making the business/relationship a success for self & the other person.

  • contribute their ideas, energy & focus into the business/relationship.

  • use their unique gifts, talents & interests to contribute to the business/relationship.

  • decide, together, what to add to & to remove from the business/relationship.

    • honor each other’s perspectives & feelings.

  • are willing to learn & grow together.

  • have transparent, honest, thorough communication.

  • vulnerably share everything with, & expose everything to, each other (the opposite of the double-life relationship, above).

  • cherish having one devoted person who knows everything about them, vice versa.

  • are extremely protective of & hold sacred the business/relationship.

  • don’t compartmentalize: the business/relationship affects & touch everything else in their lives.

  • are consistent with their beliefs, values, morals, integrity, dignity & who they are—no matter who or what is around.

When getting into a relationship, both people should define which type of relationship they want: as two people living double lives or as co-business owners. And then discuss in detail what both people have in mind. It’s a rough road to not agree on the type of relationship—especially if it goes undisclosed until after getting involved with each other.

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