Automatic “Yes’s” in Relationships

In any relationship, but especially challenging relationships with people who we deal with frequently, a very-direct way to make the relationship more bearable and to give yourself a place to stand on is to make a list of 'yes’s’ in the relationship.

If you can, have the more-resistant person write down what they believe are the automatic, natural traits and perks that your relationship offers without either of you changing anything about yourselves. It might take several subtle hints, for a long period of time, to get the other person to do this.

If the more-resistant person will not write the list, compile the list with them—perhaps just a few minutes a day, right after eating (no blood-sugar ‘hanger’ excuses).

It’s best if the more-resistant person comes up with what they, themselves, see as yes’s in the relationship because the relationship can only go as deep as this person is willing to go; and also, it’s important to have the more-resistant on-board in order for this to work.

Once the list is written, the less-resistant person can go over the list and write his/her initials next to each area on the list which s/he agrees with.

Write a new list with agreed-upon ‘yes’s’ and hang it up. Use this ‘automatic yes’ list as a frame-of-reference, a place to stand on, when any sort of disagreements come up.

Ask, ‘Is this on our list?’ If not, you can say, ‘Sorry, we both know that that area isn’t part of our relationship so we need to agree to disagree; and let it go.’

Let me know how this works for you.