Don’t Be Deceived by ‘Good Works’ & ‘Saint’ Facades
Can you imagine someone or people who do these things:
Working together with you on chores and errands
Being willing to do almost any activities you want to
Game for almost any sort of adventure with you
Driving with and for you
Cooking and cleaning
Taking you out to eat or ordering take-out whenever you are willing to partake
Repairing your car
Recognizing items you could use & getting them without your asking
Buying you gifts
I myself have been spoiled these ways in one of my relationships. Lucky me!
In that same relationship, and also with some relatives and acquaintances, I’ve experienced those people
Being easy-going
Seeming pleasant and calm
Seeming innocent and polite
Seeming aware and emotionally-mature
Sharing similar humor with me
Confiding in me about challenges and upsets
Turning to me for my feedback, input and advice
Seeming to be interested in, and listen to, me
Seeming to understand and relate to me
Spending a lot of time with and around me
Sharing their household with me
Praying with me
Talking about their relationship with God
I love all those traits and actions too1
But it took me a very long time that people can do and seem to be all of those wonderful things yet still
not have morals, ethics and integrity
have internal malice & desire revenge
which comes out—either overtly or covertly—if I don’t believe their facade anymore
threaten my safety
give personal, private information about me to my enemies / those who have intentionally caused me harm
smear my character
lie to others about me
gaslight
not care about truth & being true to their word
lie & deceive
about who they are
about what they do
about who & what they are interested in
are insincere
are secretive & sneaky
hide & compartmentalize
not consider me and our relationship in choices
stonewall
exclude me
ignore me
forget me
play mind games and trick me
mock me for my sincerity and vulnerabilities
and sometimes for the very same things they claimed to be and/or claimed to like about me
cheat & are disloyal
are addicted to substances, drama, and superficial pass-times
are addicted to fantasies and chasing impulsive pleasures
breadcrumb me
steal my ideas and our shared experiences to use alone or with other people
take advantage of my interest, time, investment, concern, empathy and help
turn to insignificant others & strangers to chase the same attention & concern
keep me at the edge of my seat about how things turned out etc., yet never follow-up with me
make me the bad guy when I point out their discrepancies & unethical choices
Oh my. Talk about confusing! I’ve experienced such discrepancies and contradictions for most of my life because I was born into it. A lot of the times, I would blame myself for my discontent with the relationship and discrepancies. I thought something was wrong with me for noticing all the disturbing behaviors, and that I was disturbed by them. I thought it was my responsibility to fix myself and fix the relationship.
But decades later, I finally realized that I have definite deal-breakers which I must honor (to include the bad traits listed immediately above). And I finally accepted that it does not matter how many good things there are, it doesn’t matter how much I care about a person: no amount of ‘good’ is worth tolerating those bad things.
As the saying goes, “Just one drop of poison ruins a whole pot of soup.”
Yes. Some people can seem to be great—or, at minimum, harmless. Yes, some people can do many nice-seeming actions and say the right-seeming words. Yes, you can love some people with all your heart. That does not mean they are ethical, moral and have integrity—nor does it mean they care about you, at all.
As such, you are kind of a joke to them. An object. And life is kind of one big theatre production for their entertainment and performances.
I understand if it’s difficult to accept. I have had so much resistance to accepting it myself!
Do you need support in standing on your standards and principles? Do you need help waiting for the right person? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.