Duped: Quiet Person
Another way a sensitive person can be duped in a relationship is when someone who they are interested in and/or care about is overall pretty quiet.
It’s easy for a sensitive person to assume that if a person is quiet, it’s because the other person is also
conscious
self-reflective
at-peace, inner knowing, with themselves due to
their strong sense of integrity
having good values
their growth and healing work
their willingness to go through struggle and growing pains
they authentically know themselves
thus, they have their self to lean on
at-peace with you
sensitive
contemplative
not needing to be the center of attention
discerning
has high standards & is particular
is protective of what is sacred (themselves, their loved ones, and their relationships)
values quality
has big fish to fry, important life projects
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
When you keep your mouth shut, and your ears and eyes open, and trust your gut and intuition, you just might find the quiet person is actually quiet due to
wanting others to take care of them
they allow others to lead conversations, make decisions and tell them what to do
happily rides others’ coattails
piggy-backs onto others’ ideas, interests, projects, etc.
- gives the illusion of collaboration, interest, agreement and being on the same wavelength as the others
they remain impartial, quiet, and even linger around others to ensure others are inclined to take care of them
including strangers and customer service staff
covertly needy with anyone who is open to taking their bait
desperate to belong with anyone who offers invitations
they give the impression that they aren't quite ready, prepared or able to lead or handle things, or speak for themselves
- seeming somewhat helpless and needing to be rescued
- seeming naive and harmless
they mimic and mirror just enough mannerisms, tones, words and preferences to keep others’ interest in continuing to care for them
they make just enough mistakes, do just enough dumb things, to ensure they will always get attention from being rescued and/or coddled
emotional vampire
it feeds their ego to be served this way, with minimal effort
gives them the illusion that their mere existence makes people want to take care of them
this is their attempt to create the nurturing of a baby-in-mama’s arms
they, as the figurative infant, only tasks are to be held, coddled and to take in surroundings, sounds and visuals
their sense of entitlement & arrogance
they don’t believe they need to put emotional effort into the relationship
neither with you and your feelings, nor
within themselves via their choices, thoughts, self-reflection and inner-growth and healing
they make sure any sort of attention, real or imagined, has the same amount of value to them
easy, impulsive pleasure is all they really care about
their low standards ensures round-the-clock access to their insatiable need for pleasure
their pleasure-seeking antenna is always up / their always-open lap, ensuring easy pleasure always effortlessly shows up
all of this ensures you are always dispensable and replaceable
all of this ensures you are no better, in their mind, than their cheap pleasures
- in fact, to this person, you might be beneath all other pleasure fixes if you’re not being a continuous easy pleasure for them
living a secret life in their imagination
grandiose daydreaming & fantasy
gathering data on you, others and surroundings
for their imagination
to be pleasured on a sensational level from what they are seeing and hearing around them
for research material to use in their carefully-crafted image (see below)
to use as material to connect with, get attention from, other people
this is their attempt to create the nurturing of a baby-in-mama’s arms
they, as the figurative infant only needs to be held, coddled and to take in surroundings, sounds and visuals
energetic vampire
interference with their carefully-crafted image which they are trying to get you to want and like:
a good, nice person
a good, caring, understanding listener
laid back, easy-going, approachable, adaptable, agreeable
helpful
cool, indifferent
game for anything as long as it’s with you
put together, confident
mature
lighthearted, funny
intelligent
a hero, noble
wise, contemplative
or whatever else they assume you want in a friend or partner
well-protected secrecy: they have no intention of sharing their thoughts with you, because
their thoughts are shameful
their self-absorption and greediness
it’s a power trip
when you genuinely want to know a person, their secrecy ensures a sense of power over you and the situation
of their self-preservation & avoidance of exposure
making this part of them untouchable
avoiding vulnerability
making sure that this part of them is unable to be rejected
self-loathing
which also is the under-lying reason for all of the above
Check out these other articles in this ‘Duped in a Relationship’ series: