Duped: We’re on the Same Page
When the stage seems set as far as logistical compatibility, it’s easy to assume that a relationship has a lot of potential to work out.
Add to the mix that the other person seems to have the same beliefs, interests and dislikes as you do. They seem to admire how you think and what is important to you. In fact, they seem to be a lot like you in the ways that count. And you are different in the ways that compliment each other.
You say, ‘I want x in life’ and they say, ‘I do too!’ You say, ‘I value x in a person’ and they say, ‘I am a person just like that, and I value that too!’ They show up when you invite them. They are game for whatever you want to do.
Wow, it’s serendipity!
If you find yourself thinking that you just met your emotional and mental match, pause a moment.
Are you the one who is doing most of the talking, most of the inviting, most of the writing, most of the thinking, most of the exposing, most of the sharing? Are you creating most of the momentum and motivation, doing most of the initiating, coming up with most of the ideas, theories, and beliefs? Are you doing most of the problem-solving and trouble-shooting?
Could it potentially be that you are being duped by a chameleon? Could this person simply being mirroring you back to yourself? Yes, this really does happen.
Stop moving. Stop talking. Stop writing. Stop inviting.
Where is the person now?
What are they doing now?
What are they saying and writing now?
How frequently are you invited and included now?
Is this person a chameleon, a ‘people-pleaser,’ a conformist, a mask-wearer, a performer, a sell-out with other people?
Does their voice, mannerisms, personality, interests, beliefs and even appearance change based on where they are, who they are talking to, who they are around, who they see and who they hear?
Do they act like they passionately care about the same things specific people seem to care about and talk about—all the while, this person had told you, in private, that they really don’t give a crap about it or the other person(s) at all?
Do they linger around, and keep company with, people who they claimed, to you, not having any interest in?
Are they on-call for whomever wants them on any level—even those who the person claims to not be interested in?
Pause. You will learn quickly if you truly are on the same page or not.
Check out these other articles in this ‘Duped in a Relationship’ series: