Hidden Communities: Work & Technology
An ethical, trust-worthy, mature, ethical, self-aware, conscious person can go to a job or use technology in a respectful and respectable manner. They go to work in order to make money, and do their best. They use technology to educate themselves in ways which make them a better person or to relax in appropriate, healthy ways. They have well-established boundaries and remain true to and respectful of their morals, integrity, those they love, and what matters to them—no matter who or what is around. They are completely honest and transparent about it all in their relationship.
Anything which is private or questionable is communicated with their partner or significant person in their life to ensure it’s a win-win for the relationship.
Some people have agreed to have a double-life type of relationship where work and technology use are kept out of the relationship.
But for those who haven’t agreed to live a double-life, or are trying to get to know each other, transparency about work and technology is crucial to knowing each other and to building trust.
It’s so easy to hide away people and behaviors at work and via technology.
With technology, it’s easy to hide entire worlds, connections, interests and fantasies behind social media, cell phone apps, videos, movies, video games, texting, etc.
At work, employees spend a significant amount of time together usually in close proximity. They likely have to interact with each other on some level. Employees automatically share the commonality of working in the same location, for the same business, with similar objectives. There usually isn’t a choice as to who one works with and who is nearby; so everyone is forced to be together. Sometimes customers are additional people present.
Employees have many communication methods and accessibility to one another and customers, etc.: email, instant messaging, video conferencing, desk phones, personal cell phones, texting, in-person meetings, company events, and simply walking past or sitting near each other.
In a sense, being at work is like being a member of an already-established community. In some cases, the environment is like a social club with some job tasks mixed in.
Some people use work to get emotional & impulsive needs met—beyond the need to be productive and earn a wage:
creating and acting as a different identity
showing off to a captive audience
hand-holding, nurturing, coddling (via being micro-managed)
getting praise
already-provided entertainment
drama
reality-show aspect: people-watching & eavesdropping
learning about, gathering data, people without much effort
sense of belonging
sense of fitting in: we’re all in this together
to avoid loneliness due to being surrounded by familiar people
comfort in the familiar & predictability of familiar faces & voices
feeling as if strangers in the company are ‘friends,’ by proxy
having friends
being known
knowing others
getting ideas from others
significant opportunities to sneak in & bond over non-work related comments, interactions, sharing & activities
bonding by gossiping about others
learning about, gathering data, people without much effort
bonding by complaining with one another
to feel special & have bragging rights (job title, company reputation, other employees’ successes)
to make people outside of the job & company feel excluded
to claim innocence & having no choice (avoiding responsibility & boundaries) in all of the above because, ‘It’s just work!’
So, even if someone you’re getting to know says they don’t have a big social circle, or they don’t really have anyone significant in their life, or you’re the only one they can count on (and even use this over your head), remember to consider their work and technology use.
Potentially, the other person in the relationship could be getting many of their needs met apart from you, thus having very little to contribute to your relationship.
If you’re in a relationship with this person, they should freely talk with you about the people at work, their interactions and activities with others, their needs being met, etc. You should meet the folks the coworkers in person as well. There should be nothing hidden from you which takes place at work.
And with technology, you should be included in and fully-informed as to what the other person is involved with, looks at, listens to, etc.
If not, you’re being excluded from huge portions of this person’s life.
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.