Lying & Close Relationships

It might be socially-acceptable to tell lies. The term ‘little white lie’ implies that it’s not a big deal to lie if it keeps someone from getting hurt or some other reason along those lines.

I think this is a cop-out—even in terms of telling lies in attempt to avoid hurting someone. It’s better to take personal-responsibility for what you think and feel, and to be a person with integrity who is true to their word. It’s possible to say, ‘I don’t want to answer that question,’ or to change the subject, or to walk away, or to find something both true and positive to say, etc.

Telling the truth, or not lying, is a good habit, in general, to get into.

This is applicable to close relationships as well. But in close relationships, if two people truly want to be close with each other, lying—or dodging the truth, or lying by omission, or keeping secrets—has no place at all.

If either person is inclined to lie to, or otherwise hide from, the other person, this indicates a huge problem in the relationship. The person who doesn’t want lies in the relationship is likely going to have to re-frame how they see the relationship—into more along the lines of a double-life relationship.

How close can two people be if they don’t know if they are getting the truth and the whole truth from the other person? Even something as simple as saying the other person looks good in their clothes when you don’t really think that, is ripping-off the other person from knowing your opinions, feedback, potential suggestions. It puts a wall up to further discussion and possibilities.

How can you really know who someone is when they lie?

If one or both persons in the relationship don’t want to reveal mistakes, flaws, struggles, etc., then how can the relationship be close and how can it grow? If you don’t know what each other are thinking, feeling, doing, etc., how can you know each other, help each other, and understand each other? How can either of you feel safe and secure in the relationship? How can either of you fully-express yourself? It is much like being silenced, in a sense. It certainly is stifling and limiting to have to tuck away portions of oneself—especially with someone who you care about.

Any form of lying just doesn’t make sense in a close relationship.

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