How to Deal with Manipulators

You’ve given someone the benefit-of-the-doubt even though you feel yourself pushing your own boundaries. Your intuition, gut feeling, discernment, physical reactions, stress, anxiety, and frustration all point to your values and dignity being challenged by this person.

Because you’re always interested in improving yourself, the tendency is to look at how you are contributing to the confusion and unsettling experiences with the other person. You’ve tried to communicate with the other person that something seems off; and you feel like you’re not seeing something. But the other person doesn’t work with you. Rather, they seem like they don’t understand or even imply that you’re crazy.

This is the point where you need to trust the cues that your body, mind and spirit are giving you. Step back.

Stop using up your precious time and energy figuratively chasing your tail and banging your head against the wall. You’ve probably already given up more of yourself than your self-respect, integrity and dignity would allow for.

You’re likely dealing with a manipulator.

Remember that with healthy interactions and relationships, things are not confusing and disorientating. Both you and the other person would work together to create clarity and forthrightness. Neither of you should be left in the dark or left to manage it alone.

After being involved with manipulating people my whole life, I finally figured the following rule-of-thumb:

Deal with manipulating and questionable people as if you're dealing with a mix of both a con-artist and a practical joker (who will never change). Use as much caution with them as you would with a con-artist. And use just as much sincerity with them, and effort into them as you would with a practical joker.

If you can’t walk away from the manipulator, use the above rule-of-thumb. You can still be friendly, courteous, and even work with the other person. But do so with caution, share very little about yourself, don’t take him/her very seriously, and put minimal effort and investment in him/her. Use boundaries as you would with any practical joker con-artist in order to keep your dignity, self-respect and integrity while dealing with a manipulator.

It works!

Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.