Quick Checklist for Approaching a Stranger for a Date (or Friendship)
I originally wrote this article on May 7, 2014.
I observe people. I think that I can sense things that most people can’t. I could be delusional; but I don’t think so anyway–I haven’t been proven so wrong that I have had to completely revamp this opinion of my sensory skills.
So, while observing people, I see when someone is interested in another stranger. I watch these instances in the same way I enjoy watching when a cat sees a bird through a window. The ‘hunt.’
I’ve compiled the following checklist for approaching a stranger for a date. To do this, you are going to have to be counting on your instincts, observing non-verbal communication, eavesdropping on their nearby conversations, referencing your own past experiences, and being really honest with yourself. If you’re unsure about the answers to any of the questions in the checklist, you better ask sooner-than-later. But first, make it through this checklist before you bother.
Yes, you can always take a risk even if you don’t seem to be a match; it’s up to you how you want to use your time and energy. Just be sure to read social cues.
‘Do I share the same sexual orientation as this person? What do my instincts say: gay, straight or otherwise?’ Gay or straight is likely to be much easier to detect than is ‘otherwise’. But if you feel fairly certain that you are a match this way, move on to the next item on the list. If it’s clear you are not a match, move on.
If they don’t seem to match your sexual orientation, but they are coming on to you, you still could be a match.
If the person is bi-curious, you need to find out if they are looking for an experiment (the ‘curious’ in bi-curious), or if they just want a strong friendship with someone they click with. If you’re fine being an experiment, keep going through the checklist. Otherwise, move on.
If you are not into polygamy or open relationships, ask, ‘Is this person single?’
‘Do I have a chance with this person?’ Think in terms of age, looks and appearance, image, financial and social status, lifestyle, beliefs, social and communication skills, intelligence, and personality. If no, move on.
Wait. Isn’t some of this pretty shallow? Yes, I think so. Different strokes for different folks. If you’re not into shallow, you likely want to, for example, avoid someone who seems really into their appearance and image.
If yes: ‘Does having a chance with this person mean I would have to keep up a certain level of façade to keep them interested?’ If yes, move on.
Example: If you are interested in someone who seems really into their appearance and image, it’s likely they will want your appearance and image to be up-to-par with theirs.
If no, talk to them. ‘If I won’t take the chance to talk to them, then there’s a chance I’m just being creepy ogling them.’
I look forward to reading your feedback if you give this a try.
Warmly,