Set Rules When Doing Favors

Some people show love or interest by doing favors and helping others. This is considered ‘acts of service’ and is one of the five love languages.

And some people help and do favors as a manipulation tool, as bribery, or for power and control over others.

I have had plenty of experiences with people who have thought they were helping me, without even asking if I wanted that kind of help, only to afterwards ask or demand (sometimes without the articulated words) for me to tell them what I would do for them in return. Worse, they would say, ‘I did this in the past, so now you must do that.’ In other words, they wouldn’t ask if I wanted to do the task or to give in the way they wanted me to.

I have also had people help me, seeming to do it out of the kindness of their heart, only to later use it against me.

Prior to obtaining help from someone, ask them what they are expecting from you in return.

I believe the best transaction is one that is a win for both, or all, parties involved. A person should only give because it’s something they choose to do, with no strings attached.

Otherwise, communicate, in advance that you’re helping as a bartering transaction, and come to an agreement as to what a fair trade for your help would be. Allow the person to refuse your help if they don’t like your offer.