The Basics
I originally wrote this article on October 28, 2012.
I live a somewhat unconventional life. While I love how I choose to live, I certainly don’t expect others to live the same way.
I do, however, have core beliefs I recommend for everyone–for every human on this planet. This is the foundation on which I coach people, live my life and parent my children.
On the earlier part of my journey, I believed in mostly the opposite of what I believe now; and I felt horribly about myself. My changes have involved a lot of digging, exploring and experimenting. I’ve been driven by the idea that ‘This life has just got to be better than this.’
Thankfully, it is better. Much, much better. And I credit that to changing up my beliefs, and risking being different than the norm.
I’m concerned that the following beliefs aren’t basic knowledge from birth for all of us; and that people live their whole lives not believing they are free to completely be themselves, and to love their unique selves fully. I’m here to support people of all ages in allowing themselves to be free. Once you go with authentic freedom, you don’t go back!
Here are the Basics:
* Love yourself unconditionally.
* Let go of that which doesn’t serve you, i.e. that which keeps you from loving yourself unconditionally.
* Choose what you’ve chosen.
* Passionately tend to what you love and want in your life.
* Mind your own business.
* Dream big.
Love yourself unconditionally.
Trust yourself. Your own truth is inside of you. Listen to your heart.
Embrace your worthiness…just because you exist.
Make feeling good a top priority.
Get to know yourself and what you desire in each moment.
Observe yourself without judgment.
Be curious about yourself and about what you’ll say and do next.
Heal yourself. The only way out of the internal and physical pain is through it: see it as a journey of self-discovery.
Be gentle with yourself.
Be your own ally and friend. Look at yourself in the mirror; speak and listen to yourself lovingly.
Love the skin you’re in.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel.
Give only what you can give freely and with pleasure, without strings attached or sacrificing.
Be okay with saying, ‘No.’
Know you deserve everything you desire. Just because you’re here.
“In the infinity of life where I am,
All is perfect, whole and complete,
I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack, I now choose to begin
to see myself
As the Universe sees me — perfect, whole, and complete.”
- Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
Let go of that which doesn’t serve you, i.e. that which keeps you from loving yourself unconditionally.
Frequently scan yourself and your life: your experiences, relationships, jobs, organizations, institutions, obligations, responsibilities, hobbies, volunteering, efforts, beliefs, belongings, and home space.
Ask yourself, ‘Do I still passionately want this?’
Ask yourself, ‘Is this what I want to feel?’
Don’t expect others to change. Experience each relationship just as it feels for you, right now. Either the relationship is a match to who you are or it is not. Simple.
If guilt and shame (or other uncomfortable thoughts) show up, care for those feelings lovingly–as if a young child–energetically ‘hold’ them, and ask them what they want and how you can help them. Then patiently listen. Often, you’ll find that these feelings and thoughts originated from the child you used to be; once you compassionately hear them out, they can let go.
“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
- Steve Jobs
Choose what you’ve chosen.
Embrace this moment and see it as a space in which you can fully be yourself. Even while you’re doing the simple or mundane (‘waxing on, waxing off’ a la the movie Karate Kid), you are still being the expression of you.
Let go of being a helpless victim.
Take responsibility for your choices, your life and for how it is now. Giving your power away doesn’t help anything or anyone.
Do what you do until you don’t want to anymore.
You have the right to change your mind, as many times as you want to.
Don’t like what you’ve chosen? Let it go (see the section above about Letting Go).
“The mystery of life is only a mystery from the perspective of the one trying to understand. When you are life, there is no inner or outer mystery to understand – there is only the radical simplicity of what is, inseparable from what you are. Being here, now, intimately, breathing, in, out, that’s the real mystery.”
- Jeff Foster
Passionately tend to what you love and want in your life.
When you let go of that which doesn’t serve you, you are left with a life full of what you love.
Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. Give attention to that which you love. Nurture it and love it up.
What we focus on grows bigger.
Offer your authenticity.
Experiment and experience life.
Do what you’re drawn to do, guilt-free: actions or just being.
Pay attention to what you can’t imagine not doing. And go for it!
Express yourself. The world needs you to be your unique self–not someone else’s image or expectations of you. Be YOU.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
- Anais Nin
Mind your own business.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Allow others to be who they are.
Allow others to have their own journeys and whatever their journeys entail–instead of what kind of journeys you think they ought to have.
If you’re in a relationship which is not a match; but you want to keep it, then let go of your expectations of the other person and be present with what you do share together and how the relationship enriches your life.
Be curious, judgment-free, about what others are doing and what they’ll do next.
Be fascinated about all the many ways to go about life.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
- Dr. Howard Thurman
The universe/life is abundant. There is plenty to go around. Focusing on lack limits yourself and infinite possibilities.
Expect the extraordinary.
Doing what you love overflows and blesses others. No martyrdom necessary.
What do you want? Make vision boards, write stories about your dream life/lives, rally your support team with those who inspire you and who believe in abundance.
Trust that what you desire is on its way to you.
Look for evidence that you currently are living some aspects of your dream life.
Focus on what it feels like to have that which you desire.
Tell the stories of how you want things to be and how things are moving in that direction, rather than compulsively complaining.
The power of your intentions will attract what you want into your life.
Trust the universe/life conspires in your favor, and know that you are safe.
“People say, ‘If I’m always setting goals and reaching for the future, then am I not squandering my now?’ And we say if in your now you’re using a future event to make you feel good, you are still feeling good in your now. And that’s the best use of now that you could ever find.”
- Abraham Hicks
Warmly,