Values and Desires in Common
I originally wrote this article on April 5, 2014.
I recently had an email discussion with someone who said she takes ‘the good with the bad’ in relationships. I asked her, ‘Does there really need to be bad in a relationship?’ I mean, what’s the point of having someone in my inner circle if there’s going to be bad as a result of having them around?
A relationship needs to add to your life, to make your life better.
And, anyway, how could there be bad if we are selective about who we allow into our lives? How could there be bad if we have a strong foundation in what we share together?
I highly recommend people know and understand what their own Love Language is, and to know the Love Languages of people they allow in their lives: friends, relatives, lovers, partners, and other regulars. Why?
Here’s an example: I was in a long-time, live-in relationship with someone whose Love Language was Acts of Service, and mine is primarily Quality Time. I don’t need people to do things for me to prove their love—especially if they dread doing those very things. I want communication and the simple enjoyment of sharing time together. My ex felt differently: Just do it…and don’t talk about it or how you feel. You can see why that didn’t work out for either of us. And you can see why it’s important to find our Love Language matches–at least by loose and generalized definition.
Be sure to discuss how you each feel about the mundane tasks in life (do you believe in ‘fair-share’, that everything is your responsibility if you want it done, do you want to be served, or do you enjoy doing the tasks together). This will tie into your Love Languages, especially pertaining to Quality Time and Acts of Service.
Also, check out your Personality Type (Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’) compatibility. And attachment styles.
It’s interesting, too, to see your astrology compatibility. Do your free birth chart here first. At the end of your chart results, select the link called ‘add a second person – compatibility‘. This way, you’ll be able to enter your birth times for even more detail.
In addition to compatible Love Languages, Personality Types and Astrology Charts, wanting and valuing the same things out of the relationship, and life in general, is a great foundation for an enjoyable relationship.
Here’s an extensive list I created about how to get to know someone.
What about the people who are already in your life; what about the people you chose before you were fully self-aware, before you became the person who you are now? Read here.
Warmly,