When You’re Late in the Game
If the other person in your relationship stresses to you the length of time they’ve known specific people, and if they have gushing admiration for those people (their ‘rock stars’), what are they really trying to tell you?
Unless the other person actively involves you with their ‘rock stars’ in order to make you part of their experiences and so you can also bond with those who the other person holds so dearly, it seems like the other person is warning you:
You will never catch up with the ‘rock stars,’ since you don’t know the other person as long.
Or you haven’t spent as much accumulated time with or around the other person.
Or you don’t have as much access to the other person as the ‘rock stars’ do.
The ‘rock stars’ are extremely important, & you’re not as much so.
You will always come in second, or be on the sidelines, when it comes to the ‘rock stars.’
You will be an after-thought, or not thought of at all, when it comes to the ‘rock stars.’
The ‘rock stars’ are already on a pedestal, so they can do no wrong; you, on the other hand….
You can never live up to how great the ‘rock stars’ are.
There will be plenty of memories, secrets & private jokes shared behind your back (You just wouldn’t understand. You don’t get it.).
The other person will always have ‘rock star’ replacements for you, so watch your step.
You’re dispensable.
The other person fits in & belongs to this dreamy club, and wouldn’t think of leaving it—certainly not for the likes of you.
You don’t stand a chance.
A lot of times, in these situations, the other person shows you some or a lot of their ‘warts’ and negative traits, but they don’t let those sides be seen or known to the ‘rock stars.’ And frequently, you’re the one who has to deal with and to clean up the messes, literally or figuratively, while the ‘rock stars’ only have to deal with the good-natured, fun, put-together, accommodating, and/or easy-going person. You make time for and invest in the other person. But the ‘rock stars’ can freely flit in-and-out of the other person’s life and can be as uninvolved as they please-all without any negative consequences.
Other forms of ‘rock stars’ in a person’s life can come in the form of long-time, well-established activities, hobbies, secret pastimes, and mysterious information in which the other person has no intention of involving, and sharing with, you.
It’s a good idea to pay attention, when first meeting a person, to see if they have ‘rock stars’ in their life. And if they do, find out as soon as possible if and when they intend to involve you. If you move forward with the relationship, keep in mind that you likely will never win out to the ‘rock stars,’ so be prepared to settle for being a ‘groupie.’
Do you need coaching? Please contact me. I’d love to help you.