Worthy to Exist

When dealing with your emotional healing, first and foremost, look at if you believe you are worthy to exist.

If you haven’t thought about this before, your automatic response to yourself might be, ‘Well, of course, I’m worthy to exist. I’m alive, aren’t I?’

If you struggle or feel discomfort, if you know you’re not living your very best, if you have any barrier in your life, there’s a very likely chance that deep inside, you hold tightly to the belief that you aren’t worthy to exist.

Feel all the resistance that comes up regarding this topic. But don’t run away from it. Stay with it and consider it.

Where in the world would a person form the belief that they aren’t worthy to exist?

It likely occurred in childhood. Some people don’t want to go there because it would ruin their idealized story of their parents and/or childhood. Others simply don’t want to open that can of worms—it’d be too much work, too painful, too disruptive, it’s unnecessary, no good could come out of it, it would mess with well-established and comfortable coping mechanisms, etc.

There is no such thing as a perfect, and totally-healed parent. No matter the best of intentions, there are always going to be parenting mistakes. Let your parents have that understanding and empathy for the sake of your healing. Set that aside for now.

The belief of not being worthy to exist, I believe, could be created when a young child subconsciously, spiritually, knows that either their (dysfunctional) mother (or other caregiver) must fully-live and the child must figuratively die; or the child must fully-live, and the mother must figuratively die. Of course, a young child needs their mother for survival; thus, the child chooses to let mother fully-live and the child chooses to figuratively die.

If the child chooses to figuratively die, there must be an unspoken agreement between mother and child to accept that, instead of physically dying, they will both carry the belief that the child does not actually deserve to be alive. In other words, the child forms deep inside themselves the belief that they aren’t worthy to exist.

Thus, the child goes on living, but with the shame of being alive. This is carried into adulthood.

The manifestation of not being worthy to exist can take all sorts of forms, which are in essence all self-punishment for being alive, to include

• creating a separate ‘self’ or ‘selves’ via containerizing

  • This is how I would define the psychological diagnosis called ‘Borderline Personality Disorder.’

  • a sort of splitting off, in order to have another personality or container on reserve elsewhere in which to be temporarily worthy

  • applying to a person(s), an activity, &/or a physical location

  • to have a specific, reliable times & a place(s) for misbehavior

  • as a dumping ground for self-disdain

  • a place to project self-hatred onto

  • in order to be able to endure unworthiness

  • a sort of splitting off, in order to have another personality or container on reserve elsewhere in which to be temporarily worthy

• fears & phobias

• emotional pain

• denial

• annoying or debilitating health issues

• addictions

  • self-harm

  • substances

  • impulsivity

  • distractions & lack-of-focus

  • cheap-thrill seeking

  • grandiose daydreaming and fantasizing by oneself

    • especially damaging when kept secret from trustworthy, consenting friend or partner

• stubbornly-attached to stories about how things and people are

  • unwillingness to take in new information

  • This is concerning when it affects your ability to listen & learn, & to genuinely see & hear loved ones.

  • This is not to be confused with courageously standing up for autonomously- & consciously-held beliefs.

• manipulation

  • overt & covert power trips

  • being confusing, vague, slippery

  • wearing masks

• anger & intimidation

• investing in & being impressed by superficiality

• unscrupulously giving one’s body & time away in various ways

• nihilism

• apathy, indifference, aloofness

• people-pleasing, conforming

• willful blindness

• entitlement & avoiding responsibility

• laziness

• perfectionism

• poor, failed, toxic, dysfunctional relationships

  • choosing people who obviously don’t meet your emotional relationship needs

  • sabotaging relationships with people who genuinely care and invest their lives into you

The truth is that we are all worthy to exist, no matter how rotten we or others think we are. So, the first step isn’t to look for ways in which we don’t suck. The first step is to recognize every human is worthy to be on this planet. The second step is to appreciate that we are alive, which means that we have time to heal. Because we have time to heal, we can easily visualize the experience of worthiness by putting in the work to heal ourselves.

I can help you if you want the help. As can many others. How do I know I can help you? Because I helped myself. I didn’t believe I was worthy to exist until I was in my 30s.

We are all worthy to exist, no matter how rotten we or others think we are.