You’re the Problem for Having a Problem

Here’s a dysfunctional relationship:

• You have a problem with something in the relationship.

• You approach the other person and articulate the problem.

• The other person tells you that they don’t have any such problem.

  • To them, everything is great in the relationship.

  • To them, they don’t do anything wrong.

• Therefore, you’re the problem.

  • You must have a mental problem, be overly-sensitive, think too much, be unappreciative, be selfish, take things too personally.

• You’re the problem for having a problem.

Here’s a healthy, caring, close relationship:

• You have a problem with something in the relationship.

• You approach the other person and articulate the problem.

• The other person asks questions for clarity to have a good understanding of what the problem is.

• The other person reiterates the problem to be sure they understand the problem correctly.

• The other person empathizes with your feelings.

• Together, you trouble-shoot how to resolve the problem.

• Together you agree on changes to be made to resolve the problem.

If just one person has a problem in the relationship, the relationship has a problem—both of you have a problem.

What are you both going to do about it?

The Narcissist's Prayer

“That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.”

-Anonymous