Haters, Players & Frauds: Oh My!

Since early childhood, I’ve dealt with and loved people who turned out to be haters, players and frauds. In fact, the last relationship I had was with this type of person.

Society also is made up of plenty of people who seem these ways in varying degrees.

I’ve done enough emotional work at this point to not hold resentment towards these people for being who they are.

Haters gonna hate, players gonna play, frauds gonna fake. Let them!*

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

I’ve learned the following key life lessons—thanks to my recognizing and digging into my responsibility in loving and being involved with haters, players and frauds:

• Stick to what I need and want to give—and to receive—in relationships.

  • Do not settle for less.

  • Do not cave in to my fears and loneliness.

  • Use discernment: protect and cherish my heart, tenderness and wisdom. (Do not cast pearls before swine.)

  • Continue working on my own growth, health and relationship with God.

  • Remain open and trusting that God understands me, my needs, experiences, and feelings; and will bring the right person to me if He so chooses.

• Accept people exactly how they are.

  • Allow them the space and liberty to show their true colors and intentions. “Let them.”*

    • Observe, ask careful questions, pay attention, and listen—so I know who I am dealing with and what they want from me.

      + “Careful” questions:

      - questions which are lie-proof

      - questions which will still reveal the truth—even with dishonest answers, slipperiness, aloofness, secrecy and vagueness

      - “non-leading” questions: questions which do not reveal my opinions, beliefs, desires & biases

      + Do not introject my opinions, beliefs, etc. because this is how haters, players & frauds censor themselves and gather data to know how to manipulate—including mirroring me

    • Do not concern myself with my getting people to know, relate to, and understand me.

      + I’ve realized that it’s very rare to encounter a person who genuinely wants to know me.

      + Save that privilege for those who

      - make it past my intuition and discernment filters (reference my deal-breakers and relationship needs)

      - genuinely want to know me, for me to know them, and for us to learn from each other (i.e. connection-, truth- and ally-driven people)

      - have desire, motivation, energy, focus, time and space for to incorporate me into their lives

• View all of my interactions with others as my being of-service.

  • Use my life experiences; life lessons; and gifts of intuition, empathy, understanding, sensitivity and ability to read people.

  • Meet people where they are.

• When I am around people with whom I see red flags and deal-breakers…

  • do not react to them.

  • do not try to teach them or try to change their minds.

  • get away from them as soon as possible.

  • If I cannot get away from those people, keep things courteous, minimal and generic/dry.

    • Do not give them fuel for their antics and tactics.

“Let them. ‘Let them’ is a mindset tool that teaches you to just let other people make their choices and live their lives and stop making your job or responsibility to manage or control what other people are doing.”

- Mel Robbins

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